It’s Really Hard to be Contagious in your Joy, When it’s been Replaced With Things That Don’t Matter.

You know how fleeting happiness can be? We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. We may buy something new and shiny, we might have this amazing day, with temporary sunshine. And it makes us happy. But, I wanted joy, and deep down inside of me, she encouraged me. She was there. Here’s something I’ve found, and really it’s not all that profound, but Joy can sustain you. She stays, through darkness. She stays through the storms. She doesn’t give up easily and fiercely fights off defeat and depression.

Actually, to be honest in the last several years, I’ve had these moments where only the hope of joy sustained me. My circle of friends drastically changed because of my divorce. I had those people who didn’t approve of my decisions when it wasn’t their decision to make. I wanted happiness to go along with my joy, but it’s hard to maneuver happiness, in the throes of abuse. This is painful, and shameful at the same time, for me to admit.

I still had grasped onto this hope of joy because I knew I was stronger than all of my mess. Joy never came harshly or demanding, she whispered “you can do this becky.” She reassured me, “you can make changes, no matter how hard they seem to be.” And some of those changes were at a huge cost. But still I knew, joy would surface above hurt and pain.

So, I came to this threshold where I had to choose, would I be OK to give up joy forever? Would the comfortability, and what I’ve always known, what I had put my identity into, be enough to trade for joy? I had my place in the world. I was in this “joy-robbing” place so long and in denial, that it took hard things to rock me out of my complacency.

After my choices to save my life, I see the world differently now. I see so many people trading joy for temporary happiness, or for what others think of them, or for their house, or for money, or for harmful relationships because they are scared.

I don’t stand in judgment, I just see it. And I have decided to live life full force, full of joy and love for others.

Because here is the thing, it’s really hard to be contagious in your joy, when it’s been replaced with things that don’t matter. I’m not saying this is easy. I’ve lost people who I thought loved me because I chose joy over temporary things. But still, joy she remains. She gently walks me thru that hurt and I’m finding joy in bringing people into my life who add to my joy, not destroy it. If you think I look happy, I am. Joy does that, she bubbles up to the surface, and happiness appears, and it shows.