Finding Joy Despite Momentary Failure

So. I have to be honest. You know how we want to be that person that looks like we have it all together? Well, of course, I want that for myself too. I wanted to share in this blog, “Oh!, I’ve been wildly successful in my all of my endeavors, in the last few weeks!” But it’s not really true, and tonight as I lay in bed, I feel like a failure. I was sharing with my friend and they said you should share that on your blog. And I went back and forth, like a pendulum of indecisiveness, because being transparent is difficult.

You see, something which should have been so simple, that should have happened so easily, well, I’ve failed. What should have been one phone call has turned into multiple phone calls and weeks of frustration. I’m just trying to get Internet in the 21st century? I can’t get anyone to commit and follow thru with their job. I’ve even had them miss appointments which I have to admit is so irritating. And I truly thought this blog was going to be about my failure in obtaining internet service, but it’s much deeper than that.

Failure came to me tonight and reached his greedy fingers out to take advantage of this failure I’m having in obtaining my internet service. . And he is whispering to me “Look how you failed in obtaining internet, do you really expect to succeed in anything?” And here’s the problem, failure doesn’t stop there. He is unmerciful. He goes back and reminds me of many other failures until they multiply like the rain hitting my metal roof. This rare January thunderstorm matches my mood. I feel like my entire world is nothing but decisions swirling around, much like the winds of this storm stirring against my window pane. And these decisions I know, they do have the potential to result in failure. I wish I had this magic eight ball 🎱 and could wake up in the morning with all the answers. But that’s not real life.

So, I have decisions. And one of these decisions is to look at the failures I’ve had and try to not let it rob my joy. So, laying here, I have some thoughts. I need Internet for my job, but not having it at my house has made me leave my house more. I’ve been to McDonald’s a lot to use their wifi, and I’m amazed at the old timers sitting there early, and enjoying their coffee. And none of them are on phones, lol. Not one of them! They sit there talking to each other about cars, politics, kids, and women. 😋 it amazes me. And their world survives while having coffee without looking at their phones. It actually makes me envious.

And tonight without Internet my son was creating with legos and I was sitting watching him and writing goals for my house. So, maybe I have failed temporarily in obtaining internet service but in the whole scheme of things, maybe it’s not really true failure.

I’m not always the best mom, or most dependable friend, or make all the correct decisions 100% of the time. However, I’m realizing, not doing anything is actually the true failure. My kids and I, at the end of this journey won’t be homeless. And I can have joy despite failures that I experience. Maybe I don’t know right this second where i should live, or if I should build a house? But it’s ok. And maybe the fingers of failure are attempting to squeeze out your joy too. But take courage. I’m finding sometimes i can look thru the momentary failures of my life and find even sweeter joy.