Tag: dreams

I have this most honest thought this morning, “maybe choosing joy is just too hard?” Will I have this moment in some near future that everything surrounds me and it’s just too much to choose joy? Then I ponder, wonder if my year of choosing joy has been something I projected to others but maybe I, myself, can’t maintain this endeavor?

Then “Doubt” comes, his darkness surrounds me like a cloak and he wraps his arms around me tightly. He comes and helps me to question my entire year of blogging. I sit here with my hands wrapped around my cup of coffee, the Christmas tree lights glowing around me, all is quiet. I stare at my computer, willing myself to express my vulnerability. Can I can be honest to the world about doubts I have at times too?

And here’s the thing about “Doubt”, he’s the master of bringing up your past failures. “Doubt” intertwines failures and interweaves them with your future hope, until it’s almost unnoticeable. But the tapestry “Doubt” creates is not beautiful. It’s full of darkness, and your most ugly thoughts of yourself. Hope that once brightened the tapestry of your life, dissolves in the background.

I don’t think I have this grasp of joy that others can’t obtain. But it’s all about this choice? I can only choose at this very moment to unwrap “Doubt”, and choose joy. I can’t worry about this potential that I might let others down, if I don’t display joy every second. But here is what I am finding as my purposeful “Year of Choosing Joy”, is almost over. Every single second I have chosen Joy, it has been worth it. I don’t choose it because my life is perfect. But seconds of joy turn into minutes, minutes to hours, and then hours to days. Before you know it, you have days and days of choosing joy that help shape your entire life.

I have these beautiful people in my life, who exude joy even though their circumstances could definitely squelch any form of joy. It fills my heart just sitting here thinking about them. It takes “Doubt” and pushes him to the foreground. The tapestry of darkness he so skillfully crafted transforms once again with unbridled brightness, as it explodes with Joy and hope. Joy overtakes my morning. “I Choose Joy.” ❤️

My beautiful friend ordered this “Joy” container for me and it shall be one of the first items I put in my new home. As I sit here pondering the people who have touched my life in the last year, I am overwhelmed by the love others show to me.