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“Comparison is the Thief of Joy”………..T. Roosevelt

awomanwhochosejoy

I’m in Giant Eagle parking lot in the midst of errands and was so compelled to write I came out to my car. I laugh wondering if others write their blogs from their office or in a more sophisticated way, but my ideas come fast and furious. And my coffee is cold from the many extra things that popped up on my day’s agenda, but I take cold sips and ponder myself as a human. I laugh at myself for this and take this selfie. I try to see if my eyes show I am kind? Do I care about what others think of me? Can I take this year and have true joy not based on if others support or applaud my efforts? Can I escape the power of comparison, or do I want him to steal my joy? The answer is easy from my brain, a resounding NO!

So my brain know this, but my heart got kickboxed yesterday by comparison. Comparison came and gripped my heart last night, far into the wee hours of the morning. I sat in my bed watching the sun rise on the horizon and made a mental list of all the ways I could make comparison leave. This list contained all the things I could do to make me more like the person comparison told me I must change into. At times I get so brave and have this attitude “I don’t care what people think.” But then there are times that comparison comes in like a lion. He prowls around pacing, his prey. And normally it’s on the heels of other things going on in our lives. Comparison knows our weaknesses.

I know all of this, but yet comparison still at times grips my heart. On the heels of my last blog, where someone had expressed their dislike of me, it left me wounded and easy prey for comparison. As a woman, I think the promises of being more beautiful or appealing is such a trap. And at times when we feel we are being compared, ouch, just ouch! But in the midst of comparison’s claws we sometimes lose our self worth. It can be our looks, our jobs, our motherhood skills, being single, or being in a relationship. It doesn’t matter, comparison wants all of you. Whatever it takes for comparison to kill your self worth he will attempt.

I want to chose Joy in the person I am at this very moment. I don’t need to change into someone else. I want to be this human that is capable of loving and caring for others. It’s not about thinking I’m better than someone but rather seeing the best in others. I was a little upset at myself this afternoon that I lost sleep over this ugly one that calls himself comparison. There will always be beautiful humans, and humans I feel are out of my league, but here’s the thing. There is only one of “me” and there is only one of you. What others see in you, as no worth, another might find great value in. And that is amazing!!! And sometimes we do just need to be brave and tell comparison he has no place in our life, he is the thief of Joy.

Taking the Energy from Hate and Choosing Joy

awomanwhochosejoy

I don’t want to have Joy today. It’s just my mood. I’ve had some things happen to me the last couple of days where people have let me down. And it has tried to evaporate my Joy. I have to be honest! I can’t even put this in a tidy, neat package, I have been hurt beyond belief with some people’s words of hatred towards me.

I don’t understand how to defeat this? And then hatred comes rushing in and her goal is to become a Joy robber. I put up a good front against hatred . I try to defeat her with my optimism and argue of other’s love for me. And it does hold her back for awhile. But it’s in the stillness of your heart when hatred once again whispers those words said to you, that it’s hard to forget. Hatred doesn’t want you to forget. She relishes the power of her words. She hopes to hold onto your heart and win you over to her too. She’s greedy in her pursuit. And today, it’s been hard to fight against her. It’s a weary fight and sometimes the outcome still hurts.

I have found some things to be true in this thing called hatred. What a person has given in power to hatred they will never really understand about the lingering effects. What once was spewed in unthoughtful words grows a seed in the one that is hurt. Hatred, she’s patient and sneaky, and is willing to remind you over and over the hurts someone caused your heart.

And then this thing happened. It’s sort of a silly thing. But on this chilly, blustery first day of spring, in unpredictable Ohio, a little patch of my yellow daffodils were bravely showing their colors. They possibly know of the coming storm with the predictions of snow, but they don’t care. Their destruction could be soon, but still they show beauty and grace and give joy. In this very moment they forget about the storm, they forget about taking time to hate this storm that will possibly destroy them, and they simply just bring joy. I went out to admire them and was feeling sad because I know they will probably be destroyed by the storm. But I then decided to bring them in and enjoy them for what they are created for.

They are bringing me such joy. How can simple life moments bring us such provoking thoughts?  I don’t want hatred given off by others to absorb into my heart and take root. I want to be like these daffodils and have joy, despite the storm. I desire that if hatred from others is swirling around me, and trying to destroy me, that joy will still be radiating from me. Does the people’s words of hatred spoken to me still hurt? Yes, of course. But I choose to take the control from hatred and let Joy free my heart. I choose to be like that particular patch of daffodils bravely giving off joy when she could easily be putting energy in hating the storm.

Surround yourself with People who embrace your Joy

awomanwhochosejoy

I always run down this rabbit trail when writing. 3 months ago, I started this journey of including you, the world with a single mom’s path of building a house. But these heart things happen and the house experiences get pushed to the background.

I know sometimes the things I blog are emotional and tough and also, even painful but I want to share a joy moment with you on this Friday. I found my land. My little “Joy Acre”. Oh, the dreams I have! I want to have my home filled with happiness, music, family, and friends.

I’ve been bold in this endeavor. I talked with my friend this morning whose opinion I value so much. I asked him, “Who do I think I am doing this?” Lol! I sometimes feel like I have no business dreaming this big. But it doesn’t matter, I’m going for this. I tracked this land owner all the way to Massachusetts! Yes, actually for a time I became “almost” an FBI investigator, but it was worth it.

So, I found my land and after meeting with dozens of mostly corporate builders, I met with a custom builder who is totally on board with my dream of building. And guess what? I am going to be the general contractor. It was a huge part of my dream to get to be part of building my house this way. I will blog more on that later.

I want to encourage any of you wanting to start a dream. Do it! I talked last week about risk. He can be scary but he can also be beautiful. You can do things you never thought you were capable of doing. And I’ve made a decision to surround myself with people who love  and support me. I’m so thankful for those people in my life. You need to ask yourself this question? Do the people who are currently part of my life embrace my “Joy Moments?” If the answer is “NO” you need to give yourself the gift of letting them go. This has been a hard lesson for me but even in the process of writing this I know this is what needs to be done. .