Author: awomanwhochosejoy

It’s this day, after the doldrums of winter, that you want to capture and hold close. Everything seems to be embracing Spring. The birds are declaring Spring’s arrival and the smell of newly mowed grass, bring with it fond memories of many Springs of the past. Bright yellow daffodils usher Spring in, with soft spoken whispers, “come enjoy the day.” But then there is this other thing, vying for my attention…yes, Laundry.

So, you know this scenario? Laundry for days, laundry piled up, laundry you promised yourself you would put away a day ago, ok…3 days ago. 😉

Here I am, a year into my journey of trying making a home for the kids and I, and it’s slowly happened. It’s been over 7 months, but I’ve actually built a house, by myself, for the kids and I. There have been several months, where I didn’t blog much. I just did not have the time. But I have so much to share now. And in the months to come, I will. But on this particular day, I wanted to share how laundry brought me joy.

My dryer isn’t hooked up, my laundry is piling up, and I have no more excuses. So, I stopped and purchased some good ole” fashion clothes line, and some wooden clothes pens. And started into my mounds of laundry. I went outside and picked a spot for the line and proceeded with the task of hanging up the laundry outside.

I was trying to get done quickly but then, right in the middle of this task, I just stood silent. The birds outdid themselves singing their glorious songs of “Spring is here.” And I had somehow missed in the last couple of days, on how green everything was turning. I stood there overwhelmed with joyfulness. I had this sudden realization that here I was putting laundry on a clothesline on my land. Land that I had worked so hard to get. It brought such a sense of satisfaction to see the children’s and I laundry all lined up. I wasn’t annoyed at that particular time that I didn’t have a dryer. I just stood there with a clothespin in my hand, and felt joy totally saturate all of me.

I think sometimes, even something as mundane as laundry, can bring you great joy! If you look for it. Sometimes you even have to wait for it. Half my laundry was on the line before I let joy fill my heart. I’ll never forget this rare day in Spring, where my laundry floated gently in the breeze, while the birds sang their springtime songs, and laundry filled me with joy.

My coffee greets me like an old friend, on this chilly, Spring, morning. Despite the frigid temps, the sunlight is happily dancing into my living room. He invites me to enjoy his radiance, after the gloominess of Winter. I sit among my 1/2 packed townhouse willing myself to be more productive.

I have not written for awhile, with the furious tornado of a life, it has been. I’ve been trying to do the finishing touches on my house, coaching Basketball, kid’s schedules,…But I had a thought come with such force this A.M. I had to share it with you.

Wonder if choosing joy isn’t possible? I wonder if all I have been sharing about joy is something totally unattainable? Just this morning alone, I had communication with someone going thru chemo, with 5 kids, someone who suffered loss from a suicide, and another person who lost all they financially owned. This caused me to take pause and see if I really believe, what I so passionately convey in my blog?

And the answer is, Yes! Yes, a million times! ☺️ So, since this “Choose Joy” blog is about my “take on life”, let me share this memory.

I was in the long hall outside the kid’s class of my church. I couldn’t move, I was filled with such sorrow, I felt paralyzed. It was the first time I had walked in the church, except for the funeral, without my sweet baby Annabelle in my arms. I had to walk past the nursery and all I felt was emptiness. I still remember this moment, my friend Lynette came out and found me there. I was standing there alive, but felt dead. She came and hugged me and said this, “Becky, you will find joy again.” I was furious, how dare her think I could ever find joy again? I said back to her, “I’ll never find Joy, ever.” And I held tightly onto that mindset, protecting my heart, and holding onto this needless guilt that I had no right to ever feel joy again.

Then something happened, I heard from a mutual friend, that this woman had lost her baby. I didn’t know her, but stopped by her house with dinner. She answered the door and the pain in her eyes, mirrored what pain I was going thru too. I felt such great compassion for her and we hugged like old friends with the sorrowful commonality enveloping us. It was years ago, but I still remember driving away and feeling myself coming back to life.

Choosing joy wasn’t easy. And it’s an every day journey. I remember the first time I felt joy after Annabelle’s death, I felt such guilt. She was dead and I could still feel something. I was so torn, did it mean I was forgetting her? But it didn’t. It just simply meant I was still alive and I was choosing joy. I survived a horrible divorce and the first time I had coffee with someone that treated me kind, it felt wrong to realize my heart was still beating. My marriage was dead and I struggled with feeling like I deserved to feel joy, because someone saw value in me? But again, the answer was YES! If you are alive, no amount of guilt has a right to keep your heart as a prisoner.

I hope this blog spurs anyone who has the stronghold of guilt that continually puts up a barrier for joy, to let it go. Choose joy, not only for yourself but for those who cross your path and need to see joy is possible too. Choosing Joy is Allowing yourself to Live.