Author: awomanwhochosejoy

Exactly one year ago today, August 8, 2018, my very first bucket of dirt was moved. I sit here surrounded by my woods and hold my coffee as it were an old friend. You know how that feels, when it’s that first chilly morning. with just a little hint of fall? I love that. But On this beautiful “still” summer morning, I’m pondering the ups and downs of my “Joy Journey” over the last year. I wish I could bundle up this morning and share it with you, my reader, so you could feel what I feel. The locusts are singing their last summer songs, with a Bob White competing in the back ground, with his own song of “Bob White, Bob White.” There is an ever so slight breeze, so the leaves too, add their own sounds to the music of this early morning.

This is where I sit, so you too can join me as you read this. 🤗

One might wonder of what things I ponder? Well, it’s about our Joy. How she comes in and floods our hearts and sometimes it overspills and we think we will never be sad again. But I’ve found, we are sad again. We all have hurts and at times can be devastated by circumstances out of our control. We would love Joy to stay for always, but maybe we wouldn’t really appreciate her, if she was always here.

In building my house, I have to be honest, there were many times where my heart was not singing for joy. I had subcontractors who let me down, and many months of rain delays, so many things that sometimes discouraged me. Joy never gave up. She would visit me, and encourage me, and I had hope that when I needed her, she would return. And she did. I had this memory when one night I stood in my unfinished house and really questioned myself? “Wonder if I fail at this, wonder if I don’t finish?” I felt all alone and kind of foolish for taking on all of this building on my own. But I didn’t stay in that place of discouragement. It wasn’t easy during my times of questioning myself, but sometimes even the smallest of joys would get me back on track.

But on this morning, I take pause. I let Joy totally flood my heart. I try to be thankful for how I can truly appreciate joy, right here, right now. I am thankful for the love, sweat, and tears that brought about my home for the kids and I. I know there will be times Joy stays on the fringe of our hearts, but she will always come back if you Choose Joy.

The morning is bursting with the trills and warbling of the songs of the birds. It permeates the air with their chorus proclaiming, “it’s Spring, it’s Spring!” There is also this mountain of color, in the form of mustard week, in my backyard, it seems to proclaim it’s own version of “Spring is here”!

And I sit here mesmerized. I stay totally still, willing the birds to go unscathed by human disruption. And I reflect.

Beautiful things can happen, when “Reflection” comes softly and makes her presence known. But still, our hearts can be in such agonizing turmoil. I come often to this crossroads. As humans we can choose the path of reflection of Joy or suffer with reflections of longing and regret.

So, amongst the melodies of the birds, Reflection comes. She wraps her arms around my heart and invites me to take inventory of all of my blessings.

And I wrap my hands around my coffee, and beseech Reflection to sit with me for awhile. I start mentally counting all of my blessings, Reflection encourages me on. I have so many good memories that have shaped my life and the person I am today. My life isn’t perfect, I still have demons to fight. And I try so very hard, but sometimes the bad memories are successful in permeating my soul and driving out my joy. But for this moment…

I sit here, in my backyard, surrounded by these beautiful melodies and ponder my life. A year ago, I had this little dream to buy land and build a house, by myself. It grew as this little seed, that blossomed into reality. I also have this amazing human in my life that shows me everyday, how love triumphs over control. And he encourages every dream I have. I have other relationships, family and friends that show me unconditional love thru every battle I’m still fighting at times.

My heart is immersed in a ocean of thankfulness. And Reflection overwhelms me with her gentle reminders of all I have been blessed with.

I have battles to still win. And yes, I still have things to tackle with finishing my house. Discouragement tries to remind me, I have this huge mountain of dirt, filled with weeds, that still has to be moved in my backyard. But all I can see this morning, is not the mountain of dirt, nor the weeds.  I choose  instead to reflect on the happiness that the brilliant colored weeds provide.

And in this moment, Reflection reminds me: if not for the mountains in my life, that I fight so desperately to quickly remove, I might not have the beauty of this moment. Can sometimes choosing joy, really be this simple?

….A quiet Tuesday morning where the birds are singing out their chorus, and the brilliant color of the mustard weed bring eminent happiness. And for this particular moment, Reflection she comes, and stays for awhile, and affords me great Joy.