Author: awomanwhochosejoy

Random boxes are precariously stacked around me, as I sit knee deep in things to sort from my recent move. The wayward boxes hold old shoes, mittens, and a smattering of seemingly insignificant things, previously tossed aside. You know those boxes we all have lurking in our attics and basements taunting us that they are there to stay. And I really don’t know why I chose this afternoon to tackle this project? But here I am, embracing this task, with Christmas right around the corner. But deep inside a box, to my surprise, I find one of my journals, that had previously been taken away from me. I had luckily recovered it before I moved. I set it aside, thinking I will take a look once my task is completed.

Later in the afternoon, I look at my own words, written as a young mom. They look written seemingly frantic, as if I was hurrying to pen my thoughts. I felt often, that I wasn’t enough. I felt guilt for taking time to take do such things as a quick walk, I read the pages where I had sadness, that while tucking my kids to bed at night, I inwardly scolded myself that I had spent too much time cooking and cleaning. I had a 15 month old and a newborn and at one point decided to get up at 4:30am every morning to be able to accomplish everything I felt I was failing in. But still….it wasn’t enough. And I realize what I would tell my younger self: Choose joy in the very moment you are in, even if you feel inadequate.

Maybe I wasn’t that perfect mom. I did try to be a good time manager with my babies, but maybe laundry sat untouched on the couch for many days. But when it’s all said and done, I did what was important. I loved my babies with every fiber of my being. I really did. And again, I would tell my younger self, “good job for taking that time to rock your baby,” even if I couldn’t do both babies at once and felt so torn.

Maybe for you. it isn’t motherhood? Maybe you feel like you aren’t the best wife, or a good enough friend, or a truly loved sister, or a daughter that measures up? I don’t know, maybe you are a husband who feels like he’s inadequate, or a son who feels like he’s disappointed his parents? I don’t know what your joy robber might be? Maybe you simply feel you fail as a human. But you don’t. We all have equal amount moments of the day. We all have equal opportunities if we take them to be kind. Seize your moment, this very moment to choose the joy. I do wish I could go back and tell that simple statement to my younger self. But for now I embrace those moments I do have: lovely memories, difficult memories, and sometimes even painful memories all intertwined to produce this phenomenon called life.

To my dear readers who are so faithful in reading my blog, I am still here and writing! I took a job with a magazine and I’m loving it, but just trying to reprioritize my life! ☺️ So, this morning, in the midst of painting this shelf for my kitchen, I was enraptured by this swirl of thoughts. I had to take a moment and write this blog.

The last couple of days I have been overwhelmed with how light can brighten our lives to the core of our hearts. Light shows up and this darkness you might be experiencing can’t compete with the embrace of brilliant light.

I had time for this little walk yesterday. I was all alone, on this wide path in the middle of this large woods. I just stood there, as silent as possible. There had been white, puffy, cumulus clouds covering the fall skies, but all of a sudden light came pouring through the partially barren trees. I was suddenly enveloped in this beautiful orange and yellow glow. I stood there mesmerized. I didn’t want to break this moment, I literally had tears trying to grasp this experience, this phenomenon that I was part of. I didn’t move, I would normally want to take a picture but I just stood there. It was as if God had this sunbeam, and He had saved it for me, on this beautiful fall day. And then I felt this peace. Beautiful, light-filled peace that dissipates darkness.

Maybe some will say it was coincidental? But I choose to think that life is way more amazing than just a series of coincidences. I should have never been on that walk. I went to a hospital to visit a friend and as I was leaving discovered a park across the street. I had an important phone call and decided to sit at the park to take the call. But the call took only a few minutes which prompted me to take a short walk. I would have missed that moment, it makes me so very thankful that I didn’t.

So, this day brings back normal things but that moment of light has stayed with me. I had many days in the last couple of years where I felt like I was drowning in darkness. I felt like my life was on this dead end where my path no longer had any room for light. But it wasn’t true. Today I am working hard painting this very ugly, dark shelf that was in my old house. I’m doing repairs on it and painting it white for my new kitchen. But it made me realize, sometimes light doesn’t come in this amazing, unexpected, easy way like it did for me in the woods. Sometimes it’s taking something from our old life and working hard to change and bring light into our new life. And I think if we can just let a sliver of light penetrate what we think is ugly or useless, we can release that darkness that holds our hearts in hostage.

Joy in Being You. Be the Yellow Tree in a Forest of Green.

https://awomanwhochosejoy.com/2018/10/23/joy-in-being-you-be-the-yellow-tree-in-a-forest-of-green/
— Read on awomanwhochosejoy.com/2018/10/23/joy-in-being-you-be-the-yellow-tree-in-a-forest-of-green/

Can I just say how this simple, little statement touches me to my core? How do we get so far away from the simplicity of this beautiful idea? Sometimes helping to bring joy to others by supporting them in their successes is a choice worth the risk to make.

We often stand at this edge of competition, we cautiously peer over as far as we can see, and do our comparisons. And standing there, because we do compare, we are mindful of our own shortcomings. Clapping for others can seem like a loss, it can seem as if you are handing over control. But control does not equal love. And choosing to support and love is not a loss, because it brings joy to others. And it’s not one sided because Joy does this beautiful thing. She comes back to you, and wraps her arms around your own heart and increases your joy too. The memory of competition fades.

Everything I’ve gone thru in the last 5 years has proven to me the one who truly claps for me is also the one who desires to add to my joy. What an epiphany to realize that the ones who do not clap for me, as painful as it may be, have no place in my life.

And if I’m privileged to have someone part of my life, it’s simple: I clap for them, I support them, I share in their joy and Joy always comes back to me. Every time, Joy returns, so maybe clapping for others really isn’t that hard after-all.

My Benjamin, who claps for me…he brings me joy.❤️