Author: awomanwhochosejoy

via Come As You Are, that is Joy,

Yesterday, I was invited for coffee and I have to be honest, I almost didn’t go. I had a rough night the night before and I woke up feeling tired. My hair was a mess and you could tell I had not had much sleep. I just wanted to stick my hair in a pony tail and drink coffee, by myself, where no one could see me. But we had already had one coffee date canceled and I was really needing some friend time.

I jumped out of bed and realized, “wow, not only did I only get 3 hours of sleep but I looked like it too. And no amount of magic was going to change that. I stood looking in the mirror…and she arrived as if on queue, “Insecurity”. She didn’t even attempt to mask her insults but came full force.

Insecurity wanted to know “who did I think I was?” Everyone would notice my lack of sleep. Everyone else would look so much better and I might embarrass my friends. I tried to reason with her but she pushed my feelings aside. “Insecurity” comes to rip Joy out of our hearts. She comes, at times as this small ember and quickly becomes a raging fire as we give her entrance.

“Insecurity” has this way to use our past hurts and words said by others, as kindling to start her fire. But sometimes the potential of things that we want to experience will extinguish “Insecurities” flames that so easily grip us.

On this day, I washed my face, and put on one of my favorite scarves and told “Insecurity”‘she would have to leave. I’m not always successful in that behavior, but this day I was. I finally arrived at the coffee house in a flurry. And I confessed to my friends that I had almost not come, because of my insecurities. Then my friend said this sweet, short prayer and imbedded these words, “we can come as we are.” I had to choke back tears. She then said “Becky don’t you know you can “come as you are.” It was profound and I immediately felt this great joy of that simple truth. These two friends were totally accepting me. It was a great gift.

It made me realize how often we put too much energy into trying to make ourselves into something we aren’t. And we do this but for people who don’t really care about us. I want to surround myself with “Come as you Are” people. I want to accept others with the gift of “Come as you are.” I wonder if people realize how many opportunities they miss by not embracing the “Come as you Are” philosophy. I want to be the “Come as You are” person and choose joy.

I was trying to work on my taxes this morning and found myself being distracted by Facebook. It’s so much more interesting then rows and rows of numbers, lol. And although, I do sometimes call FB “Fake book” , there are times people share things that give this insight into the human heart. I don’t struggle a lot in my life with “Use to Be’s” because for too long I let him control my dreams. But my blog isn’t always about me. The human heart so fragile and beautiful, just needs reminders. The “Use to Be’s” can be this balanced mingling of current joys and futures dreams.

So, this a.m., I was moved by a friend who posted this painful picture of themselves with an old love. The picture was preceded with all of these statements about “Use to Be.” It made me sad, it made me wonder about this creature called “Use to Be”. He has two sides, his controlling, despair side or his reflective, thoughtful side, but more often than not, he counts on control. He has no boundaries and sometimes, we give in and give him total control. I find it hard sometimes, that once I let his reflective side seep into my heart, I no longer differentiate that “Use to Be” turns memories into control.

“Use to Be” will come in with such a beautiful memory. He is so soothing and at times our memories become jaded. His influence can sneak in and take away contentment of our current life, and draw us right into his controlling arms. He also comes to undermine your current life and make you feel the only thing that once gave you joy is now gone. “Use to be” doesn’t care about your progress, once he is in control. He will envelop your heart and drag you into this dark, abyss of despair. He may be content at first, to merely let you visit your past, so as to fondly remember good times. But then his controlling side desires to dominate and “Use to Be” twists the truth and makes you feel as if the dreams you currently have are not worth the effort.

I ask myself, if this is possible, then? Can I still hold lightly to those precious memories and not let “Use to be” take total control. And yes, I think it’s about our Focus on Joy. In letting “Use to Be” control your life you miss out on all of the possibilities of joy. Current and future love, happiness, dreams, giving to others, finding your potential, can all be extinguished in the clutches of “Use to Be’s” control.

I had to make this decision to choose joy, this means even in the decision to not yearn for my “Use to Be’s”. That’s the entire key. Yearning is defined as “a feeling of intense longing for something”.

I don’t want to yearn for “Use to Be”. I compare it to a warm, beautiful day at the ocean. Your “Use to Be”, he is like this breeze. You long to catch him as he swirls around you, but he knows he really is in control and slips thru your fingers. You continually try to grasp your “Use to Be’s” and in your frustration he starts stealing your  joy. And you miss this beauty, the joy all around you. I want to experience the art of mingling the “Use to Be” breeze and memories, but still embrace the joy moments of my feet in the ocean.  This picture of my son depicts the following to me: “Use to Be’s” that are not gripping a heart, but instead, are mingled with current happiness. That is true joy.

I wanted to blog about the simple things of life today, things that bring Joy. There was this time when this pup-her name is Sassy, saved my life. I got her at such a dark time in my life and she acts almost human in response to my emotions sometimes. She adores me and has spent 12 years with me. She brings me joy in even in her old age.

In the shower this morning, I was overcome with joy. I started reminiscing of my morning events and how several things had brought me joy moments just in a few hours. Then I had this “Ah-Ha” moment. Everything that brought me joy today was just simple things. I wanted to share some of them.

I had a call to my parents and talked to them. I don’t take that for granted. They have helped me thru so much. My little boy woke and up and said “hi mama” with this ornery grin on his face. I love that so much. My kids have been thru a lot the last few years. Some choices they have made, have been hurtful to my mother’s heart. But my little guy still loves me and how I crave that from my child. My guy sends me a message he’s thinking about me. He makes me feel beautiful and encourages me to follow my dreams. I feel so blessed to have that in a relationship. My friend called to chat and we shared our lives.

I think often we discount the Joy moments that aren’t huge life changing events. Nothing I shared about my joy moments today, would make the evening news 😊. We discount a sunny day or snuggling under the covers on a snowy, early morning. But really, those fantastic off the chart Joy moments can be few. The simple things, daily things, ordinary things, can happen right around us daily and bring joy if we let them.

Your joy moments won’t be the same as mine. Maybe you don’t have children, or pets, or a relationship? But it doesn’t matter. Everyone makes their joy moments their own. One thing I have learned is you can’t look at everyone else’s joy moments and try to force that on yourself. You can’t long for other’s joy moments and miss your own joy moments happening right in front of you. I don’t know why as humans we do this?

I thought my Joy moments were gone when I ended an abusive relationship. I felt like a failure because I wasn’t going to get that star for 25 years. But sometimes everyone else around you is defining what your joy moments should be. And I’ve found that’s their joy moments are not necessarily mine. Look for your own simple joys. Then share and your joy becomes even greater. I love this so much …”what a wonderful day, I’ve never see this one before”. And to find those simple, Joy moments in everyday life  is a life worth getting up for.