Author: awomanwhochosejoy

via Joy in the Building, 6 month Update

We are fast approaching the Memorial Day Weekend. I take time to give honor to all of those who were so unselfish and gave everything so I could live in this amazing, beautiful and free country. You are my heroes. You are part of the reason a single mom can freely build a house and make her own choices.

So, let me recap. After many months of searching for land and looking at houses, I decided to be bold and build my own home instead of buying a home already completed. I found my property after a million, well maybe only a hundred, phone calls.

One Sunday morning I was driving around. I tracked down the people who had this land FSBO all the way to Massachusetts. The guy was so shocked when he got a phone call from me. They had it for sale over two years but had not received any calls. Their sign was laying down and the phone number had washed off. But I spent 3 hours tracking them down. I’m a mom, so I’m also part FBI investigator, lol. I am so happy with this little piece of land that houses so many birds and wildlife. I go out there sometimes at night and just sit. I wonder why I am so blessed to be able to have somewhere that I have such peace. It makes me so excited to build there.

I also have found my builder. I interviewed over 15 builders and ended up with this company who believes in me being my own general contractor for this project. We are a perfect fit in our goals and they are a builder of integrity. That was so important to me. He also knows I will tend to make changes, lol, and he is easy going with that.

My next step was to find excavators. Again, I made over a hundred phone calls, Mostly, because no one calls back. But that is because. Ohio’s busy building season is upon us. I had a few sleepless nights worrying that I wouldn’t find an excavator.

My entire process was held up because of circumstances beyond my control which to be honest, is frustrating. It held my building up 40 days and I couldn’t commit which put me right in this busy season. But I’m very positive that things are heading in the right direction now.

I think the most excruciating process was pinpointing a house plan. I had looked thru so many and they all had attributes I liked. So, in picking my house I always had my land in the foremost part of that decision process. My land reminds me of scenes of Narnia, lol. And I love that. So, I wanted a simple house with simple lines. I wanted a front porch where I could sit and have a cup of coffee in the morning. I want my home filled with light and my children and their friends. So, it doesn’t have to be complicated or a showcase.

A funny thing too. I’ve had several contractors, builders etc…when I meet them for a bid or during the day, say the following at some point, “oh, is your husband at work? Or “what does your husband think of this?” Lol. I always laugh and say, “I don’t know what a husband would think because I am single and I’m doing this by myself.” Every single time, total silence? I’m always kind and smile politely. I truly think if I birthed 6 children, and raised my kids, I can definitely build a house. 🤓. But I take no offense, it’s all part of this process and I can’t wait to give more details as my journey in building a house continues. There is joy and frustration both in this building process. But I’m trying to embrace every experience that I’m so lucky to have.

I knelt there with my head against my right-left fender. I was so frustrated. I had turned the air compressor on but the tire seemed to be losing air and not gaining. I felt like I was doing all the right things, but all of my efforts in getting it back to a safe tire pressure were resulting in zero gain. I couldn’t understand? The nozzle fit right over the tire stem and it was obvious how easy this task should be? But the tire just didn’t look like it was filling up with air? And no matter how much I desired to accomplish what needed to be done, I was still somehow failing.

I have to admit, sometimes, those are the moments where I feel discouraged. When you are trying so hard and It seems your life reflects zero results. At this moment I sat down by my tire in the dirt, my head down in my hands, the air compressor humming in the background. One minute, I was so confident in myself, but then the next moment I felt failure.

Great discouragement arrived! He pushed every accomplishment rudely aside. He’s dominant and cocky, and pulled all the stops to have his way. He came right in and took his place. He abruptly pushed confidence aside with no respect on how hard she had worked to earn her place.

Discouragement deceives when he reminds us that the things we desire to fill up our lives with are not worth the effort and will give no purposeful outcome.

His favorite thing to do is to bring back every failure you have had to build his case. I call this the “dark list”. And he did just that. That day, I was overwhelmed with the list he presented, my joy, she tried and whispered reminders of how I was stronger than this. But sometimes this “dark list” of past failures is what discouragement utilizes to keep his hold over us and strangle our joy.

That day discouragement loomed over me like this dark and angry cloud.

So, I took my car to the tire shop. I didn’t want to ask for help. I thought I was strong enough for all of this. When I got out of my car I noticed something shiny. I bent down to look. It was a nail in my tire? I laughed.

I wasn’t a failure! I had something totally out of my control that had interfered with my efforts! It was so easy to see, literally right there, even shiny?

Discouragement gasped, his hold on me was diminishing and he couldn’t stay. But oh! He was so persistent. He presented the “dark list” again but “Joy” gave him no foothold.

I know sometimes, I don’t always have this noticeable insight into why I’ve had failures. I don’t always have this shiny nail that presents itself to show me while I am failing. And it’s hard. Discouragement comes in because sometimes we do fail and we don’t know why. We are trying so hard at something and it’s like putting air into a tire with a nail. No matter how much effort we put into something we are actually losing. It’s that simple.

And I’m struck with this truth. Sometimes we fail, not because our efforts aren’t enough, but because of situations out of our control and the toxic people we let in our life. Because some people are like nails, they come to hurt us and put this hole into our hearts and yet we keep trying to fill our life up despite the nail, despite of them. We work so hard and wonder why our life is still emptying out.

I had so much effort going into putting air into my tire that I missed the obvious shiny nail that was robbing me of being successful at my task. And that’s a huge self discovery for me. I think we all can take inventory of our life. What circumstances or people are those “shiny nails” creating discouragement that robs us of our joy? Today, I choose to not let discouragement, whether it’s people or circumstances to be that nail, that lets my joy leak out of my life.

via Embrace the Joy of “Now Happiness”