Author: awomanwhochosejoy

You know how fleeting happiness can be? We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. We may buy something new and shiny, we might have this amazing day, with temporary sunshine. And it makes us happy. But, I wanted joy, and deep down inside of me, she encouraged me. She was there. Here’s something I’ve found, and really it’s not all that profound, but Joy can sustain you. She stays, through darkness. She stays through the storms. She doesn’t give up easily and fiercely fights off defeat and depression.

Actually, to be honest in the last several years, I’ve had these moments where only the hope of joy sustained me. My circle of friends drastically changed because of my divorce. I had those people who didn’t approve of my decisions when it wasn’t their decision to make. I wanted happiness to go along with my joy, but it’s hard to maneuver happiness, in the throes of abuse. This is painful, and shameful at the same time, for me to admit.

I still had grasped onto this hope of joy because I knew I was stronger than all of my mess. Joy never came harshly or demanding, she whispered “you can do this becky.” She reassured me, “you can make changes, no matter how hard they seem to be.” And some of those changes were at a huge cost. But still I knew, joy would surface above hurt and pain.

So, I came to this threshold where I had to choose, would I be OK to give up joy forever? Would the comfortability, and what I’ve always known, what I had put my identity into, be enough to trade for joy? I had my place in the world. I was in this “joy-robbing” place so long and in denial, that it took hard things to rock me out of my complacency.

After my choices to save my life, I see the world differently now. I see so many people trading joy for temporary happiness, or for what others think of them, or for their house, or for money, or for harmful relationships because they are scared.

I don’t stand in judgment, I just see it. And I have decided to live life full force, full of joy and love for others.

Because here is the thing, it’s really hard to be contagious in your joy, when it’s been replaced with things that don’t matter. I’m not saying this is easy. I’ve lost people who I thought loved me because I chose joy over temporary things. But still, joy she remains. She gently walks me thru that hurt and I’m finding joy in bringing people into my life who add to my joy, not destroy it. If you think I look happy, I am. Joy does that, she bubbles up to the surface, and happiness appears, and it shows.

The following truth hit me hard today. Sometimes joy is waiting, she wants us to endure the dark clouds and rain, and then, she appears, right around the corner, ready to fill our hearts with this unexpected joy, the kind of joy you don’t forget.

This truth, struck me right at this place

It’s a swimming pool. with beautiful water on a hot summer’s day, but looming not too far away was that big, dark cloud. As a blogger, I observe people. I watched as the cloud got darker and people scrambled as if it was already upon us. But it wasn’t. It was still calm, and children pleaded with their parents, “but it’s not storming yet? ”

With in a matter of 10 minutes the pool was cleared out of all people, but still no rain and no storm, just dark clouds. And I remained with my 10 yr old son and his friend. My son questioned me and giggled, “mama, we are the only ones left.” I replied, “I know, you should have fun.”  They looked at each other and immediately did a big splash that 10 year olds are famous for-lol. And I smiled, because that was pure joy on their faces.

Here is the thing I have found to be true in life. Sometimes, that last song at the concert, when others are hurrying to “not hit traffic”, or that last inning of the baseball game, that some might want to skip, or maybe that last moment of the evening sky, others might dismiss the final moments when the sun is slipping beneath the horizon. These are all “joy around the corner moments.” Because that last song might just be the best song of the night,  that one song that tugs at your heart, the last inning might bring a big come back from the losing team, the sunset, right at that moment when it dips down into the horizon, might bring you to tears because of its beauty.

We make things so hard, we look for joy in these big moments and we leave with disappointment. All the while joy whispers “stay.” “Stay and wait for this joy moment” its right around this next corner.

Today was my “stay and wait joy moment.” To be honest, I did hesitate when all others left. But I told myself, “what do I have to lose?” Risk in waiting for that joy moment is worth it when she comes. I have had so many of these unexpected joy moments in the last year, that I don’t understand why I still do hesitate.

But today watching two ten year old boys have the time of their life, with the pool all to themselves, was a moment I’ll never forget. They were amazed that I had stayed despite the pending storm. I want that more. I want to go against reason sometimes and experience those unexpected “joy around the corner moments.”

Oh my goodness! It’s been so long since I’ve blogged. I always wonder if there will be this moment I forget how to blog or maybe I’ll have nothing else to say. I’ve been so busy with my house that time, sometimes escapes me, even when I get those free moments. And it’s summer! I love summer❤️. I love every season in Ohio, but the winter we just had was so long. And I’m enjoying my kids so much and our adventures.

I find myself sitting on my patio drinking in the beautiful blue skies and endless fluffy white clouds. And I couldn’t wait to share this adventure with all of you! I snuck away with my kids last week, and away from the house building journey and went camping! Yes! My son has been wanting for me to take him and finally, I thought “yes, I’m going to take him”. And never would I have thought, I’d tackle this adventure by myself as a single mom.

I was so nervous lol! I looked for a month for the perfect tent. ⛺️ I got the car all packed in record time and made it to the campsite. We found this lovely spot by the happy, bubbling creek.

I felt quite brave that I was really doing this camping thing. Benjamin rode off to explore on his bike and lillian was at a 4-H meeting. But the tent box boasted of “easy set up” and I was sure I could do it, even by myself.

I got the tent out of the box and positioned it on the ground, I was ready to tackle this! But then something was wrong, no directions? I frantically searched and could not find them. I had no cell signal so couldn’t even look it up on the website. Then he came, “Defeat”. I knew what it felt like when he smacked me in the face. He wasn’t subtle, he came full force. He never fully left my life. but waited to pounce on any opportunity he could. He bullied “Joy” and dared her to make her appearance. And there I was: me, my disassembled tent, and ugly “Defeat” strangling my joy, and laughing at my failed attempt.

I slowly got up with “Defeat” whispering his lies and tears intermingled with my sweat. This wasn’t just about me being able to set my tent up. This was about me and so many things I wanted to accomplish for my kids and myself. It was about years of being treated like any of my accomplishments were worthless so therefore: I was worthless. “Defeat” took my breath away. I tried one more time and flipped the inner bag over. The directions were under the label in small print! I laughed and “Defeat” quickly maneuvered as to not loose his foothold. But it was too late.

I quickly positioned the tent and started with the poles. At first it was hard by myself but after many attempts I got the poles in and the tent up.

I wanted to shout to anyone looking. Look what I did, I put this tent together, by myself! But no one was there, but it didn’t matter, because “Defeat” had left during my celebration. Oh, I wish I could share this exact moment with you. I know, people put tents up everyday. But this meant so much more to me. I thought after becoming a single mom I couldn’t do these things for my kids. But I was wrong.

The kids and I played in the creek, and had a fire, and of course s’mores. sat at the lake, played putt putt, and made chicken on our grill. And then….that night we had torrential, pouring rain! And we lay in the tent laughing together about how hard it was raining. Long after my kids fell asleep I lay there and listened to the rain. I pondered how “I” this single mom could be so blessed with so much. I had my kids, my parents, a wonderful, kind man in my life, my church, and my friends. I wondered if someday my story about my tent would help someone, because I knew I would blog it someday. My life isn’t perfect, sometimes “Defeat” comes and steals my “Joy” temporarily. But yet, this time I was strong enough. So for me, my lesson? Have Joy! Sometimes, it’s something as simple as putting together a tent to show us: “Hey, we got this!” We can do this thing called life, with joy, despite temporary defeat. Oh, and my tent never did leak that night of the pouring rain.😝Just incase you wondered?