I had this moment of unrehearsed reflection today, which caused such a rush of joy, that tears filled my eyes. I had been working on my house all day, and was actually frustrated with some of my morning activities. A certain subcontractor couldn’t quite grasp the fact that I was qualified as a General Contractor. I’m sure there will be another blog in the future, concerning that “adventure.” Lol.
Anyways, it’s this “unicorn” of a day. Let me cast a picture for you. It’s Ohio, 61 degrees in the middle of January, no rain, and sunny. I felt drawn to leave my building project and go outside and feel the sun’s warmth.
So, I left my building site, took off my winter coat and went for a hike. Halfway thru my hike, I decided to lay on a bench and just take time to look up at the beautiful blue skies. I lay there on the bench, with such joy of the privilege of spending some time outside. Then this memory hit, and it was as if I had went back in time, for a moment.
My memory took me back to when I was laying on a bench at a different park. But my situation was much different. My 16 yr old son lay in Trauma 1 unit, not moving, not speaking, and his brain activity not really known. Levi, had been in a near fatal car accident with life threatening injuries. I had spent 36 hours straight in his little trauma room, on his floor. I was afraid to leave him, I didn’t want to be away from his side when he became totally coherent, I felt numb from no sleep, and the sadness I felt. But his nurse gently told me, I needed a break to be strong for him. So, I hesitantly left.
I took this walk to a little park right across from the hospital. It was this beautiful, July blue filled sky. It was near the 4th of July and families were in the park. I wanted to gather them and tell them they needed to stop their lives because mine had stopped. But I didn’t, I lay on the park bench, telling myself to not go to sleep, but this summer breeze touched my face and lulled me to sleep. I woke up abruptly, worrying that I had slept for hours. But it had only been 20 minutes. All was still in this park except for this homeless man playing music on his little radio. I lay there and listened to the music, and remembered feeling like I had slept for days. And somehow, I can’t explain it, but joy overwhelmed me. All of those days I spent after that in the hospital with Levi, thru many surgeries and months of therapy and I held onto those brief moments in the park, where I had Joy and rest.
It has shown me since that day that Joy is so simplistic. It’s not about money, or fame, or having the right clothes, or having the right name, or even how people perceive us. We can chose to capture these small moments of joy that can sustain us thru the days of sorrow. I chose that today. I know there will be this moment in the future where I’ll pull out this peaceful memory on this beautiful, 61 degree day in January, and hold onto it, and treasure the memory.
My view laying on the park bench😊
A woman who chose joy 