Can I say how much I adore the above image? I think letting go can often be seen as a negative act, where we consciously think giving up, is synonymous with letting go. But this quote purposes that the very act of letting go, actually gives back to us, amazing things like joy, calm, and purpose. We can choose to let go of those negative things in our life that steals room from the beautiful things we desire.
I wanted to share my struggle with “Letting Go.” He had such a hold on my heart. I felt like he continually reminded me of how he would make sure my life would be destroyed if I chose to let go. And “letting go” is powerful, he brings with him whispers of how you will loose everything and be out of your comfort zone, and it will be much worse than even holding on to him. And in this peculiar way as humans, we hold so tightly to things we should let go of, even as joy passes right by us, totally within our grasp.
As I sit here on this chilly, late fall day, I realize this moment where “Letting Go” held my heart in hostage, and I can see it so clearly now.
I wanted to be this strong woman, someone who didn’t need anyone. And I was not ready to “let that go”. When you live in an abusive relationship it does something to your ability to let go. I’m not talking about being able to forgive or such things as that. That’s not a struggle for me. No, instead It was more of this attitude that no one would ever hurt me again, nor I would never depend on anyone for anything, ever again. I could not let this go. It was too scary for me, and I actually had too many painful memories of what had happened, when I let my guard down.
In August, I was preparing to try to find a place for the kids and I, for our move anticipated later in the fall. I spent many hours calling apartments and talking to people and trying to network to find temporary housing. Then unexpectedly, we were forced to move 45 days early. All of my defenses dropped, “Let Go” was pushed on the back burner. I had 10 hours to pack up my kids and I, and also, find a place to live that same day. Then my hero, Michael came and told me he was here for me. He offered me one of the townhouses he owns, for the kids and I to live in. This was hard for me, I held on to “Let Go”, so strongly. If I let this human help me, I would appear weak. I felt I was letting myself be vulnerable.
I had no spare time that day. I had no time to prepare my heart for leaving a home where I had raised my babies for 21 years. I can’t explain how overwhelming that day was for me. Michael, my parents, and family, all surrounded me with their support and I’ll never forget how much love I felt that day. But I had this moment where I felt like I was drowning. At one point it felt like a dream. I could see all the boxes being loaded and my personal belongings whisked away to waiting vehicles. I knew I needed this moment to steal away. I snuck out the back door and made my way to this spot where I spent many hours thinking about life. And then, I cried this long, hard “Let GO” cry, and made peace with how far I had come. No one knew, but that day I asked myself this hard question. Are you going to “Let Go” of the fears and past hurts and choose joy, or are you going to just stay in this safe, but stagnant place?
I choose joy that day. I accepted Michael’s generous offer and my love grew so much for this unassuming, loving, humble man. He patiently waited for me to totally trust him and “Let Go” of things that would help make room for joy. And that would ultimately open up my heart to love again.
The kids and I have a safe, happy place to stay while my home is being built. But more importantly, I have truly learned the joy of being able to let go of things holding me back. It’s amazing how much joy I have living in this apartment. And as I look to a future with Michael and all I hope to accomplish, I am thankful for the things I let go of, to make room for this amazing man. It is so very true, “Let Go, and see what stays!” And those are the things, I promise, will bring you such joy . 
A woman who chose joy 