This morning my dear friend posted something painfully true. Sometimes, we can not see the forest despite the trees. In her post she was talking about having gratitude, but it immediately struck a different chord in my heart. I think despite the many complicated trees of heartaches, sorrows, sickness, good times, happiness, joy, and relationships, they all ultimately intertwine in this forest to make-up our entire life. Not just one tree can make up a forest, it would be barren and lacking. No, it’s has many trees, some tall and stately, some small and struggling . We can stand back and see all those trees intertwine that create this beautiful forest of life.
I am preparing to go to a funeral for a little boy today. This is mixed with a hospital visit I wxperienced into the early morning hours because my son was having some health issues. I am feeling great sorrow this morning. But then there is joy too? I am amazed how that happens? How is it that in the midst of tragedy we can be reminded of the joys that are present in our lives.?
To be honest, I have this moment of guilt. This moment where I feel bad knowing what this family is going to go thru laying a child to rest, but then I realize having joy does not hinder my grieving. It’s been 12 years since I too, had a morning where I was laying to rest my daughter. I won’t lie, it was hard, I was angry, I wanted to rewind my life at that point. But there is this beautiful thing, 12 years later despite my sorry, I can have joy in the privilege of being Annabelle’s mama for the short time I had her here on earth.
I sit on my front porch lingering over coffee and remember that spring after her death, how the daffodils bloomed and it brought me one of my first joys, I allowed myself after losing her. I look at my life now. This very small tree of joy those many years ago, seemed to be struggling in the shadow of the large trees of grief. And maybe it was. I fought for Joy’s growth. It’s has taken time. But that’s the beautiful thing too. A forest of small spindly trees does not make one stop and take notice. It’s the trees that grow into this mature forest and have stood the tests of time , well contributes to others and gives other’s hope. Our experiences can help others grow past their heartaches and grief.
It’s taken me time to not just focus on one tree. Some days I couldn’t really see my forest, or what my life totally consisted of. At times only one tree, which was sometimes the sorrow tree, was the only tree I could see. But I have found Life is so beautiful. I feel so blessed that I can see that many trees make up my forest. And the tree of Joy can grow right along that sorrow tree, they help shape our life, they grow our forest.
A woman who chose joy 