I was trying to work on my taxes this morning and found myself being distracted by Facebook. It’s so much more interesting then rows and rows of numbers, lol. And although, I do sometimes call FB “Fake book” , there are times people share things that give this insight into the human heart. I don’t struggle a lot in my life with “Use to Be’s” because for too long I let him control my dreams. But my blog isn’t always about me. The human heart so fragile and beautiful, just needs reminders. The “Use to Be’s” can be this balanced mingling of current joys and futures dreams.
So, this a.m., I was moved by a friend who posted this painful picture of themselves with an old love. The picture was preceded with all of these statements about “Use to Be.” It made me sad, it made me wonder about this creature called “Use to Be”. He has two sides, his controlling, despair side or his reflective, thoughtful side, but more often than not, he counts on control. He has no boundaries and sometimes, we give in and give him total control. I find it hard sometimes, that once I let his reflective side seep into my heart, I no longer differentiate that “Use to Be” turns memories into control.
“Use to Be” will come in with such a beautiful memory. He is so soothing and at times our memories become jaded. His influence can sneak in and take away contentment of our current life, and draw us right into his controlling arms. He also comes to undermine your current life and make you feel the only thing that once gave you joy is now gone. “Use to be” doesn’t care about your progress, once he is in control. He will envelop your heart and drag you into this dark, abyss of despair. He may be content at first, to merely let you visit your past, so as to fondly remember good times. But then his controlling side desires to dominate and “Use to Be” twists the truth and makes you feel as if the dreams you currently have are not worth the effort.
I ask myself, if this is possible, then? Can I still hold lightly to those precious memories and not let “Use to be” take total control. And yes, I think it’s about our Focus on Joy. In letting “Use to Be” control your life you miss out on all of the possibilities of joy. Current and future love, happiness, dreams, giving to others, finding your potential, can all be extinguished in the clutches of “Use to Be’s” control.
I had to make this decision to choose joy, this means even in the decision to not yearn for my “Use to Be’s”. That’s the entire key. Yearning is defined as “a feeling of intense longing for something”.
I don’t want to yearn for “Use to Be”. I compare it to a warm, beautiful day at the ocean. Your “Use to Be”, he is like this breeze. You long to catch him as he swirls around you, but he knows he really is in control and slips thru your fingers. You continually try to grasp your “Use to Be’s” and in your frustration he starts stealing your joy. And you miss this beauty, the joy all around you. I want to experience the art of mingling the “Use to Be” breeze and memories, but still embrace the joy moments of my feet in the ocean. This picture of my son depicts the following to me: “Use to Be’s” that are not gripping a heart, but instead, are mingled with current happiness. That is true joy.
A woman who chose joy 