Joy wasn’t Just meant to Capture, Release her to Others

I’m in this place, right now. It’s a beautiful place. If you would have asked me 3 years ago in the depths of my turmoil, pain, and sadness, the question: Would I find joy again? I would have probably answered with a resounding, “NO!” I was so deep in the throes of my situation, I couldn’t find a glimmer of hope or joy. I felt as if I were drowning.

In the midst of my darkness, I could see these small parts of myself still trying to believe. I wanted to believe that I was worth more. I wanted to believe that I didn’t deserve behavior against me that was destroying me, one layer at a time, until I was just a shell. I couldn’t make out the person I knew I could be, or even that I once was, but Joy wouldn’t let me go. Joy came to me so delicately. I barely knew she was there. Joy was like this vibrant butterfly, so beautiful, so graceful, and she settled down on my heart. And she whispered to me that my soul was beautiful, and to hold on and not give up. She fluttered around, not wanting to leave me, willing despair to not grip my heart.

Joy came in the form of a message, one night as I sat in a dark, empty parking lot. I was taking in account of my situation, feeling my soul had emptied itself out. I felt no joy, I felt extremely lonely, and I was afraid. Afraid that I would live out the rest of my life, with nothing but a shell of a an empty soul. I struggled with thinking I would have no joy, no love, and no happiness.

All of a sudden, this message came across my phone. It was this girl I had been a youth leader for when she was in highschool. Highschool days were over and now, she was in college. She went on to tell me about a memory she had about a night I shared with them during their small group time. This particular night I sat with this group of young teenagers and told them things were never so bad that their lives were worth nothing. This girl told me during that time, she was going through a really rough time and had been contemplating suicide. But that night during youth group I changed everything for her. She remembered my words and decided to not only choose life but also, joy.

How humbling that is. How easy we can share a moment of joy with someone that could be a life changer for them. It has taught me to embrace my joy moments, but then,  to let go and share my joy moments with others . I’ve had joy even among my despair. Joy is a wonderful thing. She builds us up and pulls us thru the other side of pain.

Joy is contagious! She can gracefully move into deep, black darkness and light it up. Whne there is that deep, darkness that penetrates your heart,  Joy comes fluttering down. She starts out as this small whisper in your soul but ends in a full blown song. It’s not a song you tuck away and never remember. No, Joy is one of those “roll down your window on a summer day and sing your heart out song.” That’s what I want in my life and to have it overspill into other people’s lives. Joy was never meant to be captured  like a butterfly and never let her go. She was meant to embrace and then, let her free to envelop the people around you. So yes, embrace your joy with all of your heart but then let her go, let your joy also embrace others.