At the end of this week I find myself asking continually asking this question. Will the pain of regret outweigh the pain of risk? But risk sometimes, he’s hard to decipher. Risk doesn’t want to scare us but he takes us down this road less traveled. And I find myself wanting to take that road that risk beacons me on. But safety with her soft voice of reason, she arrives so very subtly. She undermines risk and with most of us she wins. We are lulled to sleep and risk is but a distant memory. Risk wants to capture your passion and give you a reason to embrace a dream you know is still there despite safety’s enveloping embrace. That’s where I stand at this moment in time.
I think the hardest thing about risk is often it’s not the popular choice. What people don’t understand about you, they judge. But this week I had this woman who is in this strong position, tell me she admired me. She was fascinated with the decisions I am making as a single mom. Her words were like this soothing balm to my soul. And I realize in my journey with risk, I also need mentors to come along and sprinkle my road-less-traveled with encouragement. But for me this has been hard at times, being real about my journey is not what people want to hear. Some of my choices have made people uncomfortable, and I think as humans we don’t want to be disliked. I realized this week that I don’t always make others comfortable with what they consider is my appropriate level of risk.
So, I choose risk. Regret creates much bigger pain for me. And honestly, I’ve already lived long enough with regret. He creates pain and heartache. He doesn’t care at all about my dreams. I want to lose regret’s hold over my heart. I can’t bring back time. I can’t make people love this person they think I should be. I want the people in my life to love me for the real me.
And me choosing risk isn’t about being selfish. I hope I can help others. I am just one small person in this big, amazing world . Maybe in my risk others will also be prompted to follow their passion. And it’s my journey, I have to accept that people who only love me because I choose safety over risk, I have to let them go. Because no one else will embrace my regret for me after I let risk pass me by. I guess risk can be a lonely, scary companion at times, but fear of regret, it scares me even more.
A woman who chose joy 