Sometimes the fight against Lonely is simple, give Heart Space to Joy.

“A song I wrote …..”CHOOSE JOY” 2017

I love to get up early and multi-task. And this morning is about the same as any other morning. I throw a load of laundry in, on my way to the laundry room I think “oh, dishes need to be put away” and open up the dishwasher, and I then remember, I need to run out and check my propane level, it’s been so cold. Some days it feels as if I get out of bed and my feet don’t touch the ground. I have school and then also, work, too. It’s the dance we all do.

But today, on this day I stop. I have time to ponder things because school has been canceled. I’m sitting with my coffee and looking out at the window at my amazing, breathtaking view of snow and then out of nowhere it hits…”Lonely.” He comes in. He grabs my heart and doesn’t play fair. Lonely whispers his insensitive words and they create these heart hurts.

What is it about the human soul that fights being lonely? I wonder sometimes if this is a flaw of mine? Everyone doesn’t fight this. I have friends who have told me they don’t experience being lonely, they like it. I can’t imagine? I crave fellowship and humans and touch. This is me though. Then I think back to the last few years of my life and at different times where Lonely thought he had me where he wanted me. But I had this moment so beautiful that Joy comes back over and over when I take time to remember. I want to share this Joy moment with you.

It was a snowy, beautiful day much like today. My kids were gone and I had time on my hands. Lonely had been with me all day. I tried to get him to leave by working but he persisted. I finally decided to go for a long hike. I went to this beautiful place and no one else was there. And of course Lonely, he whispered, “See, look at you, still all alone.” I had this moment where I thought I should turn back but then I looked further up the trail. It beckoned me with promise and potential Joy. I sat aside the present moment, Lonely tried his best to influence my decision to turn back. I stood on my tippy toes, at the edge of the woods, looking up the trail trying to see what it was like. The trails were totally silent with this white, glistening of snow, it looked like a dream, like walking thru Narnia. I took the first step.

Large hemlocks graced the trail, their majestic branches leaning under new snow. I felt like this great adventurer blazing a trail thru the untouched snow. Lonely, now Sulking, he was walking with me, a distance away but still a stubborn force. But Then, I came upon this opening in the woods. This beautiful, untouched meadow.

It took my breath away. Total silence. The The woods loomed all around, towering trees, heavy with snow. And then there was  this  beautiful meadow, dusted like sugar with layers of snow. It made my heart sing, ringing out thankfulness to my creator. Snow had settled on the golden rod and and every other surface. The sun hit it and it looked like a bed of diamonds. Even a lone spiderweb had every thread glistening with snow. There was no wind, no sound, just pure silence. And Lonely, I have to admit, he was there too, so persistent, with one goal, to steal Heart room from Joy.

But then, out of no where, in the middle of this beautiful, silent meadow came three separate whirlwinds. But the woods, the  trail, everything around me was silent, no air, no dried leaves rustling, no movement at all, but these three whirlwinds. I watched fascinated, I was frozen in time, memorized. The whirlwinds lasted for a minute stirring up snow and leaves, perfect, like little baby tornadoes, stirring up beautiful snow, up to the sky. Then, quickly,  they were gone. And once again, everything settled down and was quiet.

I stood there not realizing I was holding my breath. Then Joy, she ran down my face. That was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed. And Lonely, the coward, he was long gone. I returned to the trail, my heart was so full of joy. Oh, how I wish I could paint the picture I saw that day. But instead, this melody, I shared with you, it was borne out that moment. I hummed it all the way home.

I went home to my keyboard and this melody came all the way from my heart, born out of that moment of Joy. It had been years since I created any music, I thought music was long gone, that once upon a time I loved to create. But effortlessly, It escaped deep out of my soul and then went thru my fingertips, like magic. And to be honest, I had  these moments where Lonely did make an appearance in my song too. But that’s ok. I had to be real.  I’ve found sometimes experiencing Joy will also include those moments of Lonely fighting for heart space.

If I had not been lonely this morning, I wouldn’t be writing this blog. There is someone reading this and they feel like Lonely grips their heart and Joy has no place. But it’s not true. Give space to Joy! Write a note to someone, take flowers to someone who never gets them, write down 3 people who care about you. Write down your Joy moment and use it as ammunition against Lonely. Sometimes the fight against Lonely is simple, give heart space to Joy.

*And a side note My song “Choose Joy” I have struggled for a year to find a title for that song and literally just named it 1/16/18 while writing this blog. Isn’t that funny! If you are currently fighting lonely….Listen…close your eyes and imagine yourself in a snow, ladened meadow, with three little happy whirlwinds. And maybe for this moment, your moment, you will defeat lonely and make room for Joy too.