I blogged yesterday and I’m not sure what the rule is? Do I wait for a couple days? But I have something to share and in a couple days maybe I won’t be as brave as I am now to share. It’s fresh, painful, and beautiful at the same time.
I had this moment tonight where a shortcoming I have within myself was revealed. It wasn’t found by someone else instead it surfaced and stood there before me, waiting on my acceptance. And ugh!, why is it so hard to look at our imperfections? Those things we hope stay hidden but sometimes cause too big of a burden, like a resting volcano, barely bubbling but you know it’s there.
Why as humans can we not embrace imperfections as stepping stones to growth? Wow, now I love that thought. I compare this thought to a magnificent cottage garden. These little imperfect stones may be crumbling and even ugly. But they lead you to this beautiful growing garden. That’s what our imperfections can do. They can make us strive to be a better human and love people more deeply.
The thing is, and oh, how hard this is to reveal. Sometimes, the vary act of hiding our imperfections will destroy what we love the most. And it’s not money, or material things, but it’s relationships. I want to be transparent in writing this blog.
I struggle with always putting on this persona of being strong when really there are a lot of times, I am not. But I feel ashamed and my past has made me hide things from people that I should have received help for. Today, I needed this person in my life to be strong for me. Instead I hid away and convinced myself that I didn’t need anyone. But I do, and again there is my shortfall standing at attention waiting to rear its ugly head.
For me to say out loud “I need someone”…yes, I need other humans. It’s hard. But we all do. I’m not perfect, I get lonely, I get sad. Sometimes, I don’t want to be strong, I don’t want to be happy. I just want to say to someone who won’t judge me, “I can’t do this alone” .
Tonight I was honest with my loved one. I admitted that I was lonely and that today I felt sad. I had pulled away because sometimes that’s easier than being honest. I was frustrated with them for not reaching out and they didn’t even know I needed them to reach out. How many relationships could be saved or not even just saved, But be totally amazing if we could be this honest?
Again, part of this journey with myself is discovering the real joy, real love, and the real me along with any imperfections. Sometimes they will be used as stepping stones
A woman who chose joy 